Whether it’s your anniversary, a regular Saturday night or a rare night off without your kiddos, date night is an important part of successful relationships. But, making those date nights happen when a flare strikes (or you just feel plain awful) is a challenge.
In nearly 25 years of being married, my husband and I have found a few ways to make date night work even when I need a comfy seat and my heating pad more than anything else. For any date night to be successful during a flare, you have to start with communication. Talking with your spouse ahead of time is important. I have learned being honest with my husband about how I’m feeling is better than going along for something I’ll be miserable throughout. We both end up having a better time if we find something that works well for both of us.
Successful date nights with IC also require some flexibility. Sometimes we make plans when we are feeling well and are excited for them, but then we wake up with a raging UTI and those plans fall by the wayside. While plans may have to change, that doesn’t mean they have to be canceled. The important part is you’re spending time together doing something just for the two of you. It doesn’t have to be fancy or over-the-top. You just need a chance to connect in the busyness of life.
Take these date night ideas and work them into your schedule with your significant other when you’re flaring — or even when you’re not!
1. Get into nature from your porch.
If the weather is cooperative and you have the space, spend some time porch sitting with your love. Just being outside of the house is often enough of a difference to feel special when you’ve been stuck inside during a flare. Camping chairs or other comfortable porch furniture can give you somewhere comfy to sit. Outdoor outlets can even help you be mobile with your heating pad if that’s necessary. And you’re still only steps away from a bathroom when you need it.
My husband and I have had great conversations porch sitting together. Not only is it a free activity, it’s also something that parents can do without needing a babysitter as long as the kids are somewhere safe inside. When our tween and teen were younger, we’d sometimes go outside to sit after putting them down for bed and bring along the baby monitor.
2. Stream a movie or television show.
This is one of my favorite low-key date nights with my husband. We each have an end of the couch. Sometimes we order in or make something easy for dinner. Then we just enjoy a movie or show together. Be open to trying new genres. I’ve learned, for example, that I enjoy a decent number of science fiction movies, which I wouldn’t have tried on my own.
3. Have a treat.
There’s something about a sweet treat that seems decadent and kind of sexy. If you’re not up for a whole night out, go out for ice cream or a dessert with your partner. And if even leaving the house isn’t going to work, have something sweet together at home. Ice cream is a great option that doesn’t require any baking or prep work. Other great choices are store-bought angel food cake or vanilla cupcakes.
In fact, for Valentine’s Day this year, my husband and I didn’t get to have a date thanks to sick children. We ended up having about an hour to ourselves one evening, though, and went to a cookie bakery. We each enjoyed a sweet treat and the time together just the two of us.
4. Color.
Having been high school sweethearts, my husband and I have been through all sorts of life together. During college when funds were especially tight, we had fun coloring together. It’s something we picked back up again since having children. You can print out coloring pages, create your own masterpiece or buy coloring books. Turn on some music and sit together while you color with crayons, markers, pencils or whatever you prefer.
By keeping your hands busy with a task, you can often have even deeper conversations if you want to. It’s not about talent; it’s about time and fun. I love coloring princess pictures with crayons. I channel my inner 9-year-old. My artistic husband, on the other hand, has special art markers and uses all sorts of techniques I know nothing about. But, we both have fun doing it together!
5. Tackle a project.
Projects don’t necessarily sound like dates or something IC friendly, but they can be! Doing a task that’s been hanging over your head can help you feel like you’ve accomplished something as a couple. Projects are a great reminder you are in this together!
Organizing is a great IC friendly project. Whether it’s sorting a box of photos or going through a stack of papers that’s been piling up, you can do it while seated. I’ve helped my husband with projects like cleaning out the garage by sitting in a comfortable chair and organizing things while he did the heavy lifting. It was better for my bladder, we got a project accomplished and had a joint sense of pride as a result.
6. Play a game.
Games are a great way to spend time with your special someone. From board games to card games to video games, all sorts of options let you have fun and enjoy being together.
I love cooperative games where we work together for a common good. In more recent years, I’ve joined my husband in his hobby of role playing games and really loved it. I’ve had quite a few times of sitting at the table on a pillow with my heating pad and losing myself in a game for a while. It’s both a great pain distraction and an ideal way to spend a date night (or afternoon).
7. Read a book.
I’m a huge fan of books. Read a fiction book together or listen to the audio version together. (Don’t overlook your local library as a great and free resource for these!) You can even read on your own and then talk about it like your own book club. Nonfiction books on relationships or any other topic you’re interested in are also great for date nights. Or look for an activity book for couples the two of you can do together.
8. Have a backyard (or living room) picnic.
For something out of the ordinary yet still comfortable during flares, try a backyard picnic. Keep it simple with foods like Swiss cheese, crackers, blueberries and sugar cookies. Just enjoy time together doing something different while still being near your home bathroom and without having to lug all your stuff to a far-off picnic spot.
If the weather doesn’t cooperate, put a blanket down on the floor of your living room and have an indoor picnic.
9. Root for your favorite team.
My husband and I aren’t into sports so we don’t go for this option, but if you and your significant enjoy sports, plan a fun night or afternoon watching your favorite team from home. Pop some popcorn, get cozy and cheer together.
10. Put together a puzzle.
Putting together a puzzle gives you a chance to work together while in close proximity while sitting down. If you want to get really tongue-in-cheek about it, check out this 1,000-piece puzzle of toilet paper rolls. We ICers certainly appreciate a nice roll of toilet paper!
11. Paint.
If you’re able to get out of the house during your flare, consider painting together at a studio. You can take a class to learn how to paint on a canvas together. Another great option my husband and I love is pottery painting. We have a local pottery store that offers a wide array of items you can paint, then they fire and glaze for you to pick up later.
If going somewhere just won’t work, get some canvases and other supplies for cheap at the Dollar Tree then make your own creation or follow a tutorial online. And, just like with coloring, you don’t have to be a great artist (or even a good one!) to have fun with this. Just do your best and enjoy the time together.
12. Conquer an escape room.
Escape rooms can be a fun way to solve puzzles and work through clues for an end result. Doing so at a business might not work so well during a flare, but virtual escape rooms allow you to conquer them at home where you’re comfortable.
Just Googling “virtual escape room” yields 743 million results. You’ll find both free and paid versions.
13. Stargaze.
If you live in a big city, this might not work, but the vast majority of locations have at least some sky and star visibility. Head into your yard and look up together. Bring out a cushion or something soft and comfortable to sit on.
See what constellations you can identify on your own together and then consider using a stargazing app to help you learn more about what you’re seeing and identify other constellations neither of you knew.
14. Go on a virtual trip.
A couple of years ago, we discovered videos on YouTube that were shot from a first-person view of a variety of travel destinations. For example, we were going to Disney World with our children for the first time and curious about some of the rides. We found quite a few videos that took us on the rides from a first-person viewpoint, so it felt like we were there.
All sorts of videos and websites allow you to take virtual tours of famous locations from the comfort of your home. You can dream together about a future trip or just enjoy the chance to see something new and out of the ordinary.
15. Unplug and talk.
Sometimes getting a chance to just sit and talk with your significant other is difficult, especially if you have children in the mix. A simple date night at home where you unplug from electronics and talk might be just what you need. You can start with some conversation starter questions or a game of 20 questions and go from there.
An unplugged date might also be a good time for a relationship check-in to share what you appreciate about one another and if there is something that needs to be resolved. Honestly, with having two kids at home, my husband and I enjoy opportunities to talk uninterrupted even just about daily life and future plans. It doesn’t have to be deep or intense. Just talk.
