All of us have an innate desire to connect with other humans. It’s wired into us and so much a part of who we are as humans that not connecting with others and feeling lonely can impact our health beyond our feelings. Loneliness can cause increased risk for high blood pressure, lower immunity, increased inflammation and low-quality sleep.(1) Loneliness is also a bigger killer than obesity and can increase the risk of premature death by up to 50%.(2)We know that we want — need — to connect with other people, but that can be difficult when we don’t feel well. Add a global pandemic and required social isolation to the mix and we have a perfect recipe for increased loneliness.

In 2018, 54% of adults reported being lonely; in 2019, that number grew to 61%.(3) By November of 2020, another survey found loneliness had increased exponentially with 65% of adults reporting an increased feeling of loneliness since COVID-19 began.(4)

Loneliness is clearly on the rise both within and without of the IC community. Knowing it has such an impact our emotional, mental and physical wellbeing, loneliness needs to be on our radar. We need to have strategies for combatting and managing it just as much as our bladders.

Acute versus chronic loneliness

In talking about the risk factors and challenges of loneliness, we are talking especially about chronic loneliness. Loneliness that persists is different from feeling lonely when we have to cancel on plans with friends because we got hit with a huge flare. Acute loneliness is based on a temporary circumstance or situation. Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but getting stuck in that mindset is when the challenges start.

Loneliness really is a mindset. While we can definitely be lonely all by ourselves, we can also be lonely in a group of people. Loneliness is more about feeling a lack of connection to others than it is about not being physically with others. In fact, some of us are naturally inclined toward alone time as introverts who recharge with time alone. But when we start feeling like we have no one to connect with who understands us the best they can, then feelings of loneliness creep in. They can end up getting more intense and hanging around for a while. That’s when the concerns really begin.

Signs of loneliness

Unsurprisingly, loneliness can bring along its good pals depression and anxiety. Figuring out a name to put on our emotions is often complex because they overlap. And that’s OK. Symptoms of loneliness are similar to symptoms of any mental stressor and can include low energy, being unable to focus, low self-esteem, trouble sleeping, having less appetite, feelings of hopelessness or self-doubt, feeling anxious or restless, a desire for physical warmth, feeling unable to connect with others, having no close friends and feeling burnt out.(5)(6)

People with chronic illness can struggle to develop healthy relationships, connect with other people and feel comfortable in social situations. As a result, many people dealing with chronic loneliness isolate themselves, which results in the cycle of loneliness continuing.(6)

Preventing and overcoming loneliness

It sounds a bit trite, but one of the best ways to prevent or overcome loneliness is by staying in contact with other people. Of course that is easier said than done. We IC patients can also struggle because we cannot always physically be with other people — pandemic or not! But you don’t necessarily have to be physically with other people to stay connected to them.

  • Keep in touch with friends and family virtually. Utilize video chatting apps to talk with friends and family you can’t be with in person. Seeing someone as you’re talking with them makes you feel more connected, which is exactly what you want. Such apps can also help you remember that you do have people to whom you are connected.(5)
  • Get involved with a hobby. Hobbies can help you get involved with other people. If you’ve always wanted to paint, take a close at a local arts center and connect with others as well.(5) Or take a painting class online. You won’t feel quite the same connection as in person, but you will be focusing your energy on something creative and that you are interested in. Even just learning a new hobby by watching videos online can help you stay occupied and happier, which is good for your mental health.
  • Consider getting an animal. If you don’t already have a pet, consider getting one. Pets can help us feel connected and less alone just by snuggling up to us or giving us someone else to focus on. Pets help improve your overall mental health, and if you’re out with a pet on a walk, you may meet new people as well!(5)
  • Strive to maintain a positive attitude. Good overall mental health certainly helps with preventing loneliness. Keeping a positive attitude is good for your mental health. Lonely people are more likely to expect rejection and catastrophize.(7)
  • Think about others. Focusing on others gets you outside of yourself and your own situation. While you may not be able to go to people in person to care for them, you can put together care packages and send them. You can also write out cards to send in the postal mail to encourage others or send text messages to let a friend know they’re on your mind.(8)
  • Watch a movie with a friend virtually. If you can’t go to the movie theatre, watch a movie with a friend over a video chat or just watch the same movie and then do a video chat or phone call to discuss it.(8)
  • Start a gratitude journal. Focusing on what you’re thankful for and what you do have is better for your mental health and feelings of loneliness than focusing on what you don’t have. Keeping a simple gratitude journal on paper or through an app on your phone can help you stay focused on what is going well.(8)
  • Speak kindly to yourself. Sometimes in dealing with loneliness, we can get downright mean to ourselves and think nobody likes us or would ever want to be our friend. We can criticize every flaw we know we have. That’s not healthy. Don’t talk to yourself in a way you’d never talk to anyone else. You don’t deserve that meanness!(6)
  • Play games online. Playing a game online with other people let you connect virtually with other people and pass the time. Games have the added bonus of being a good distraction from pain!(9)
  • Connect with others through social media responsibly. Connecting with friends, other patients and family on social media can be good to help you not feel so isolated, but it can also be damaging. In fact, social media can actually end up making you feel more lonely and discontent. It’s easy to see the highlight reel of someone else’s life, compare your own life and come up wanting. And that will only make you feel worse.
  • Acknowledge your feelings. Some of us are good at shoving feelings down inside and trying to ignore them. Instead, it’s healthier to acknowledge your feelings. Acknowledging you’re struggling with loneliness is the first step in figuring out how to work through it.(10)
  • Take care of yourself. Exercising, eating a healthy diet and getting good sleep help your mental health as a whole, which certainly helps loneliness. For IC patients, self-care also means taking needed medication, avoiding trigger foods and listening to when your body says you need to rest.(10)

Knowing when to get help

While working through loneliness really does require some self-treatment like the strategies mentioned above, it can also evolve into something that requires professional help to get through. This is especially true since loneliness often causes any issues with depression or anxiety to worsen. Getting help is OK and nothing of which to be ashamed. If your feelings of loneliness are impacting your day-to-day life in a negative way or making it difficult to do the things you want to do, it’s time to seek help. And if your feelings of loneliness have caused or worsened depression, anxiety or other other mental health concern, find professional help.(5)

 

References:

  1. Fetters A. What Loneliness Does to the Human Body. The Cut. Jan. 22, 2018.
  2. Whiteman H. Loneliness a Bigger Killer than Obesity, Say Researchers. Medical News Today. Aug. 6, 2017.
  3. Cigna. Loneliness and the Workplace. Jan. 2020.
  4. Berman R. COVID-19 has Produced ‘Alarming’ Increase in Loneliness. Medical News Today. Nov. 25, 2020.
  5. Raypole C. Is Chronic Loneliness Real? Healthline. June 25, 2019.
  6. Dewitt S. An Overview of Chronic Loneliness. Better Help. Jan. 15, 2021.
  7. Cherry K. The Health Consequences of Loneliness. Very Well Mind. March 23, 2020.
  8. Minta S. If You’re Feeling Lonely, You’re Not Alone – 10 Tips to Help. Samaritan Health Services. Dec. 7, 2020.
  9. Andersen CH. Loneliness and Chronic Illness: The Inspiring Ways 8 Patients Cope With It. CreakyJoints.org. March 15, 2019.
  10. Cigna. How to Deal with Loneliness: 5 Ways to Stop Feeling Lonely. February 2019.