If anything is worse than the frustrating and painful symptoms of IC, it can be talking with your doctor about it. Talking about things like your bladder, peeing and your genitals are not super comfortable topics for most of us. Doing so with an authoritative figure like your doctor can make that even worse. But being able to communicate well with your doctors — general practitioner, urologist, gynecologist or urogynecologist — is important to ensure your symptoms are being addressed.
Whether you’re new to IC or an IC veteran, these ideas for how to talk about embarrassing topics with your doctor can be helpful. Your medical team wants to help you feel better, and it really all starts with communication.
Think ahead.
When you’re going to see your medical provider for a new or recurring symptom, you want to plan ahead. Think about what exactly is bothering you and how to describe it. Is your pain stabbing, burning, itchy, like pressure or what? IC pain can be a mix of a variety of these things. Think about what’s bothering you most or if you notice a certain type of pain at specific times. Be sure to figure out how often your symptoms occur and how long they last. Note whether certain activities, foods or any other factor impacts any type of pain you have. For example, maybe you have pressure most of the time, but you have stabbing pain after sex.(1)
You’ll want to also be as specific as possible when it comes to the location of your pain. The nerves throughout the pelvis are incredibly interconnected. Often we can feel pain in an area that’s near or next to the area where the problem actually is. It might be helpful for you to use an illustration of the body or the pelvis to mark or show exactly where your pain is.(1)
Put it in writing.
Once you’ve figured out what your symptoms are and how best to describe them, consider writing it all down. Writing down what you want to say or talk to your doctor about can help keep you focused for the appointment. If you are too embarrassed or nervous to say the words, you can even hand your notes to your medical care provider. Be sure to list any questions you have as well. It’s easy to get sidetracked (and sometimes overwhelmed!) during appointments and miss asking or talking about something you really wanted to.
Another bonus for writing it all down is that it can help alleviate your nerves and reduce the stress of having to try and remember everything you want to talk about while you’re trying to process what your provider is saying.(2)
Be honest about your embarrassment.
If you’re seeing your urologist, he or she talks about peeing, genitals and all the related stuff all day long. But when it’s not as comfortable for you to do that, it’s OK to say so up front. Lead with, “I’m embarrassed to talk about this…” or “I’ve never told anyone this before, but…” It will give you an entry into an embarrassing topic and also let your doctor know to handle the conversation thoughtfully. He or she can often put you more at ease to make the conversation easier.(3)
Use words you’re comfortable with.
You don’t have to know all the proper medical terminology to describe your symptoms. Pretty much every IC-related symptom has a specific medical term to describe it, but chances are you don’t know the term and that’s OK. Talk to your doctor with terms you are comfortable with.(3) Keep it simple. Your doctor doesn’t expect you to speak with him or her like a colleague. And I’m sure your doctor has heard plenty of colorful terms and words to describe problems “down there.”
Be direct.
Another great way to make it easier to talk with your doctor about embarrassing problems is to be direct. Instead of going into a long explanation, keep it simple and concise.(2)
Instead of saying something like, “When I use the restroom, I feel uncomfortable,” try “Every time I urinate, I feel more pressure in my bladder.”
You certainly don’t want to be rude to your doctor, but when you’re discussing things like urinating and sexual function, using direct language to communicate is best.
Don’t offer your own diagnosis right away.
One thing many IC patients learn early on is to be their own best advocate. We learn to do our own research and check out potential treatments. However, we still aren’t doctors. When you talk to your doctor, start by describing your symptoms in all the detail you can and then see what he or she says before offering your own diagnosis. Even if you’re self-diagnosis is spot-on, you also don’t want to predispose your doctor to thinking you have a certain issue when it could very well be something else.(1)
Find a doctor who listens.
Having embarrassing and uncomfortable conversations can be difficult with even the best doctors, but some aren’t so great. If you are seeing a urologist who doesn’t listen to you or makes you feel even more uncomfortable, then it might be time to break up with your urologist and look for a new one. Above all, you need to be able to trust your urologist or other medical providers in every way in order to ensure you’re getting the best treatment.
References:
- Gunter J. The Vagina Bible. Piatkus. 2019.
- Cedars-Sinai Staff. How to Address Uncomfortable Topics with Your Doctor. Cedars-Sinai Blog. Aug. 5, 2019.
- BCBSM. Too Embarrassed to Talk to Your Doctor? 5 Tips to Open the Dialogue. MI Blues Perspectives. March 10, 2016.
